Toll

Show me your best impression
of the creation of
destruction; I’ll see you and
raise you everything
you’ve ever known.

The momentum of these shallow shadows
carrying on your back
knapsacks of camouflaged
judgment lapse traps, it
encapsulates debates – and as
of late I can’t help but state
that I have nothing left to hate.

But God help you if you give me a reason to –
these prison bars are still red hot and new and new and new and
though it may burn away every feeling I’ve ever had
I will not hesitate to push through them to free myself
from the cell
that you made me sit
in time out in
for my entire life
because
you said
it was the only way
I could be
safe.

Well if that’s the case, how come
I’m so good at saving everyone
but Washington, Franklin, and You –
how come I’ve never felt safer
than after I’ve laid my soul open
and still felt accepted –
how come I feel the most danger
when I see you coming –

And I’m trying, but it’s hard
when I tell you with tears in my eyes
that I have been alive, truly Alive
for the first time in my entire life
and all you can do is pour gasoline
on the burning bridge
that I’m trying so
desperately to rebuild
and hold up
until you wake
and see me underneath.

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~ by cptgibbs on October 4, 2010.

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