How can I say this
as honestly as possible –
It’s not that I don’t care
for the venomous, toxic, acidic
opinions that I see in every word
that’s written
not to me, but to yourselves.
It’s not that as much as I am
utterly baffled that you all,
after everything,
still managed to mislabel the bottles.

Tell me, truly, how am I supposed to react
when I catch a glimpse of a glint of
a shine of a sparkle of the light
at the end of this tunnel, how I see my heaven,
all of you jam-packed behind the pearly gates
like prisoners in your blissfully isolated utopia
that I helped create for you, for fuck’s sake.

When I see you all, angels in my eyes,
representatives of the republic of youth.
When I approach you all, you crowd of angels,
all I want to see are your faces
to justify this hope.

And I am disgusted.

Your faces are filthy, caked three layers thick
with pounds of steaming black putrid bullshit.
It’s clear as the light surrounding you –
just wash your fucking faces, please,
cleanse yourselves of your Own head trash,
and stop thinking it’s okay just because
you smell the same hint of crap
all around you, saying
It’s just the life we lead.
Everyone’s doing it, it’s okay.
It’s easier not to.

I refuse to believe it, that my own trust has
been placed so poorly in hordes of angels
with dirty faces. I’m tired of this.

I’m exhausted, breathless from whispering that we should all take a step back and look at everything again. My palms are rubbed raw from softly holding your hands as we walk together towards optimism as I nurture the need for truth within you all. I’m about to have a heart attack from how little I’ve chosen to let this hurt me, a stroke from how simply I’ve tried to explain this logically.

In everything I have, I harbor nothing for all of you
but faith.
Faith that you will one day soon
gaze upon your own reflection
and see the dirt as refuse,
not decoration.

I am being pulled to earth
with such overwhelming force
that my fragile soul can hardly keep up.

But I will never lose my faith
that the dirt wouldn’t be there
unless, by contrast, there lay purity underneath.

I will be back soon, and I can’t wait to see what you’ve done with the place.


~ by cptgibbs on August 31, 2010.

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